An Epiphany

As I have mentioned in one of my previous blogs, I am already the longest member of the Ateneo Swim Team, having joined way back when I was in the fourth grade. My ten-year membership consists of the first 8 being consecutive membership years; I took a seemingly permanent hiatus from the sport during my college freshman year and returned the year after. Scandal and my behavior aside, my year off really allowed me to put things in perspective.

Had it not been for that, I would not have experienced such joys freshman year has to offer. I got to know my blockmates well. I was able to focus on my academics and I even served in the Sanggunian ng mga Mag-aaral. Though I had a difficult time adjusting to a schedule which did not include dry-land or swim training, the endeavors I pursued truly reinforced one thing which I have denied for so long--that I was really a born, bred, water-fed swimmer and athlete among other things. But like I said, I enjoyed my year off because it gave me time to think things through.

What I am really thankful for was the fact that I was able to enjoy my English and Literature block. R-31 (our section) was truly an experience which I will never forget. I cannot put in to words how much the R-31 experience meant to me. It was an adventure, to say the least. Monday, Wednesday and Friday would be the happiest days in my week simply because I would get to experience R-31 for two straight hours. Every moment of it was truly priceless...

Take your mark!

She Grew on Me

Ever had that moment when someone suddenly starts looking so attractive? You've known her for quite some time and have not really minded her so much until one morning she's all that you think about. Well, that is a bit extreme but when you see her, you cannot help but be struck by how lovely she is. Then you start asking yourself why you haven't noticed it before. Was it her new hairdo? Have her eyes always been that alluring? Has her smile always been that radiant? The questions you ask yourself just keep going on and on.

Though we have not been formally introduced, I have "known" this girl since I was a high school senior. I would always hear her name every time one of my classmates would start talking about his love life. Just an aside, it just so happened that that classmate of mine talked about her immensely during the build up toward our graduation ball. I could only assume why. Anyway, I first met her when we were classmates in Science 10 during the first semester of my sophomore year. To be honest, she didn't strike me as attractive mainly because she wasn't my type. But she is pretty and I could see why my high school classmate was head-over-heels in love with her. Yet, she really didn't tickle my fancy.

We have been classmates a few more times after Sci 10 but it is only now that I actually found her attractive. She still isn't my type but in spite of that, I always find it difficult to not look at her and admire her beauty in all of our three common classes. She really did grow on me, you know.

But of course, I will not do anything about it. Last time I looked, she is sort of committed to someone and I have no desire of pursuing a relationship with anyone as of the moment.

But still, she is just so lovely...

Take your mark!

Oh How the Years Go by

All through the changes the soul never dies. We fight. We laugh. We cry. As the years go by...

2010 will mark my 11th year as a member of the Ateneo Swim team, making me the longest and oldest member of the team. Every time I think about it, I am always shocked by how fast every thing transpired. Using the cliche of all cliches, it feels as if it was only yesterday that I got accepted in the varsity as a 9 year old kid in the fourth grade. I remembered that day vividly. In a pool of about 30 aspirants, I was the only who got accepted in my batch thanks in part to one of the seventh graders who knew me due to our affiliation with our subdivision's swim team. Okay, so I wasn't actually a snotty-nosed green-horn since I already had a lot of experience--competition, training and all that--but it was rather intimidating since I was the youngest in the team. Adding that to the fact that I didn't have a batchmate during that time really gave me extreme bouts of inferiority complex and loneliness. As lonely as I was, I was eventually welcomed by my older teammates and some of them eventually became very good friends. Yeah, it's really tough being the only new kid on the block but when you have the sort of teammates I did, it wasn't at all bad.

Well, that is actually the whole point of this blog. I have this sort of curse growing up that I never had a batchmate or someone with the same age in any of the teams I represented. Well, that is not exactly true since I did have teammates who are also my batchmates but none of them lasted as long as I had. It really saddens me every time I think about it but what can I do? They made their own decisions and I made mine. What could I do if my decision and theirs did not reconcile.

It gives me comfort that unlike in high school, I will not be the only one leaving the team after graduation. That means a lot to me.

However, I am still the only one graduating who is at this certain level in swimming. But that is another tale.

Take your mark!

I won't say I'm in Love

For some stupid reason, I've been listening to this song more often than I used to. On an estimate, I would say that I listen to this song 5-10 times a day. Weird isn't it? I am not talking about my taste in genre of course. I have an eclectic taste, in my defense. I am talking about why I am so stuck to this song. And what is more, I actually do not get sick of it. Hmmm..Why is that?

Maybe because I really won't say that I am in love. Truth be told, I honestly do not know if I am in love with someone. Sure, I have a lot of crushes but there was around 2 or 3 I actually came close to courting. And speaking of those 2 or 3, I am ashamed to admit that I withdrew my pursuit just when "the water was actually boiling" if you know what I mean. I have always tried to convince myself that the reason why I "disengaged" was because I am already in love with someone. No . Change that. That I was still in love with someone...

And there it is, actually. I think I have answered my own questions by simply prattling on and on. It won't give my solace, this sudden revelation because it only reinforces one thing. I am still stuck on her...

So as the last line of the song goes, "At least out loud, I won't say I'm in love..." Well, for my case, not even...